#WCE - I miss you

I know you don't like this picture cos your hair looks crazy in it, pele, I like it.

I miss your big, no small, no normal head, I miss you.

Don't worry, next time, I'll use a better picture. A picture that shows less cheek bone and well painted nails, I miss you.

I miss your forehead and I miss your cheeks. I miss you.

Who's been touching them cheeks? Who's been poking your face? I miss you.

I miss your teeth and yay! I miss your smile, I miss you.

Did the grapes cause you smile? Or maybe that peanut butter wafers... "It takes more".

I hope you've been smiling a lot, I see you are stronger than I, I miss you.

"Someday, the pain will not exist; the joy will refuse to leave", I miss you

I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I hope we'll be happy again, I miss you.

There's so much light in your smile, I hope we'll be happy for life, I love you.

It's 3 a.m. in the morning and I hope you'll wake up to this, I miss you.

Path to Failure... [Part 1]

Exactly one week after I wrote that incomplete if only thing... I got myself trapped with this exam. It seemed like a perfect escape route... Now, looking back, I wish I didn't have the cash in bank to waste at the time... The money is some plenny sturvs mehn, I swear... it is paining me. I think I simply forgot that registering for an exam was only the first step, you also had to prepare for it and you need a stable mind to do so ...wharefa! I sha registered.

What has happened between August 20 and today? In fact, I’m not sure… but I sha know I've done a lot of “metastudying”, reading about reading. I’ve done this well enough to know that I’m so failing this :) Some popular themes from these studies have shown the following:

• That you need about 300 hours of studying, and that doesn’t guarantee a pass
• That thinking you will fail makes you fail
• That there’s no shortcut…lol

So with 8 days to go, 4 of which would be spent on intense month end close work and some hours on another yeye coded official project, I can only laugh at myself…

Not like I haven’t read at all, there are 10 topic areas with different weights. I have spent at least 4 hours trying to make some sense of derivatives (5%) and about an hour on FRA (20%), so at least, that’s something, only that it’s a lot of nothing compared to the something I should have done by now :(

The honest truth though is that I had given up on taking the exam. It makes sense to limit the loss to exam fee, why incur flight & hotel costs in addition? Kudos to Comic Bishop, my Chief Encouager, he told me everything I would have told someone else in the same position “sha goan write it… you have already paid… and you may pass o!” That reminds me, I sent money to Jolo to help get the calculator for the rubbish exam… hmmm… I never see am o, and I hear learning to use the calculator na exam on hin own… tuffia!

But there’s good news! The good news is that within the last 48 hours, it’s looking like Bae is back, hmmm long story or no story at all sef… Bae’s sha back and head may be able to settle… By extension, we may be back in this exam business… the next 3 days (Friday to Sunday) will help me decide if it’s worth it going in for the 6-hour ordeal or just bone altogether.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about passing or failing, the title stands! However, you don’t want to be tormenting yourself cluelessly for 6 hours. Let it be that there is some idea to mess around with so I can at least enjoy the last stretch of this painful path, the path to failure.

PS: At the end of the day, it's only an exam!

Somebody That I Used To Know

It's another gloomy night, stuck on this Island, literally, I'm forced to reflect on my life (lol), on the things I've been through these past months, or more accurately, the things I've put myself through... a lot of things I learnt, or rather got reminded of. So many are they that I can't attempt to put them down, especially that some remain yet in their embryonic form, still I'll write... as if it makes a difference, I write.

That "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye feat. Kimbra has become one of my best songs (lol). I know neither Gotye nor Kimbra or any of their other songs.

That 2015 has by far been my worst year in a long time, at least on two main fronts, but has apparently been my best year yet :) So I'm thankful.

That most (but not all) people are actually what I've always known people to be, self centered, wicked, vengeful and more and that I can easily become the same.

That there's strength in diversity, but there's also war in differences.

That being similar with another in many respects is great harm as much as it can do a lot of good.

That you are weakest in the areas you think you are strongest, you just need a tiny loophole or grant access to your poison.

That to think you are smart can become a mild form of pride, but to think you are wiser than you really are is the greatest folly.

That I have grown a lot over the years but I still am the same me that I've always known. The ME that only a very few have some idea of :). And that this isn't necessarily a good or a bad thing.

That I've been through a lot in my little life but that there's always been a way out, and there'll always be.

That giving does not mean receiving.

That I cannot blame anyone for what I allowed in my own life.

That I'd remember this someday and smile... smile for good.

That I'll not be getting married anytime soon, or at least, so it seems.

That it's 2130HRS, and I must shutdown.... and be back again soon.

PS: Apologies if this is incoherent or if you don't understand something I've written, trust me, I don't either.

If Only... [Incomplete]

I sit here by myself wondering if  I should post this or not... No, actually, I'm done wondering. I'll post it.

It's nothing serious though, just an incomplete thought in the middle of some emotion... the type you shouldn't feel too often in this short life or the life will become even shorter.

What follows is the interrupted output of a then troubled mind... It was August 13, 2015, a day I stayed off work... probably lying back against the rug, these thoughts rushed through mind...

Yes, it wasn't complete... I had plans to return to this but it never happened, at least until now. Will I ever complete it? I don't think so, probably for the same reason it remained this way for 3 months. That reason? It's called HOPE. Here goes...

If Only...

If only we could go back in time

If only these chapters weren't written

If only we had friends

If only they told us the truth

If only hate wasn't such a bad word

If only it isn't the only word right now

If only we can be friends

If only our friendship wasn't poison

If only we didn't hate our smile

If only our peace didn't bring us pain

If only it wasn't all our fault

If only we didn't do no wrong

If only we wanted real

If only we saw perfection in flaws

If only we weren't totally ignorant

If only we weren't always smart

... ... ...

If only we are not at the end of the road

If only we won't say goodbye

But it is all of this and more

and we have to say goodbye!

RIP Prof. AB Sofoluwe

I hate the way I feel this morning. L The reason or reasons are not farfetched.

First I wake up trying to decide if I can make Kole’s wedding. I definitely will make it, even if it has to be by my perfect timing just when they are starting to take pictures! And disappear immediately after the couples triumphant entry into the reception. But this is slightly different, he wants me to be a grooms man cos someone didn’t show up… less than 24 hours notice, suit pant with the tailor, hair unkempt… to make matters worse I’d been nominated to carry out some tasks at work, though I thought that won’t take 30mins (8am – 8:30am, Kola needs me for 9am, so as the superman, I can squeeze it *mscheeeeeew*)

Now am in the office, the supposed 30mins activity is gon’ take hours, so Kola, am sorry, guess it’s just gon’ be my perfect timing at your wedding. Thank goodness, I didn’t give my word! K

I wish all this is the real reason for my mood but no, almost everyone on my BBM list is mourning or appears to be mourning the loss of Prof. Sofoluwe’s. Shoffy is dead!!! How can? Why him? Why now? Sometime yesterday, someone put on facebook that Shoffy was at the hospital. Did I say a prayer? Honestly can’t tell… I probably just thought it was one of those things, he’ll bounce back, but will he? Never! Not in this life time, maybe in another… am moved to tears. I loved this man!

Yeah, that’s what we all do… “…they wait till you are dead and say you are the best...” but that’s not entirely true here. We’ve always known you are the best, and yes, we say it. I say it. Twice or thrice my course lecturer, my project supervisor… I knew this man. He was different. How many students can boast of being offered lunch during project discussions? Yea, it’s just food but those takeaways from his fridge were more than useful.

It wasn’t just the assurance of an A grade whenever I registered for his course, it was more of the simplicity with which he took them. No surprises (except that his tests where always without warnings) but from day 1 you know what the course was about and what your exam was gon’ be like. Call me lazy... na u sabi! How much of numerical analysis can I recall as I write this? :]y But I still remember those life lessons. Tope and I still joke about how he said you should never really argue with your wife, just prostrate and say sorry. Am not married now, but from my lil experience with girls, that works!

Not only the living will miss you Shoffy! Your white volks will too. I remember that night I was walking to the faculty, Shoffy was heading there too, stopped by me to drop me off and we spent almost a minute struggling to open the door by the passenger sit. Same thing happened when I was alighting, definitely not an HSE compliant car J but BABA kept using it, am sure they shared something together. Who knows whether that volks is still alive?

Right now, I don’t even know the details of your death… BB battery’s dead and in my rush to leave the house, I forgot the charger, I would have been updated… but whatever the cause is you are gone :’(. Something makes all this even more saddening for me – the last time I saw you. Was it before or after my convocation? Yea, it was weeks or maybe months after, we were at your office, and you stressed your desire among other things that I apply as a lecturer, we laughed over that. And then you said you were not interested in any gifts from me until I was “made” J All that was ~4 years ago, I’m not made yet, but am sure you’d have been happy to see me before you left. I kept procrastinating! I kept procrastinating!!! And that day never came. How many times have we lost someone and felt there’s something more we could have done? :’( :’( :’(

That reminds me, popsy’s ill, who knows? Am not that pessimistic, but I must see the man this weekend, why not today, no, the wedding, tomorrow’s fine! (the voice of the “thief of time” – procrastination!). Work is important, it pays the bills, but there is more to life than keeping “busy”.

While I wrote this, the tasks are done – multitasking it’s called, and then the wedding, It should be just about my perfect timing…. Off I go! Do I feel any better? :]y I doubt! This is not my eulogy, you deserve a lot better, I only needed to whine a lil… I’ll miss u. We’ll miss you. I pray God grants all your loved ones the fortitude to bear this great loss. RIP SHOFFY BABA!!!

The Horse, The Cow and The Farmer!!!

Got in to work this morning and the first email I read was this story a colleague shared. Incidentally, I had a similar conversation with someone yesterday about performance appraisals and the schemes and strategies of some “smart” & blehish folks – anyways that’s story for another day.

Yes, some of us have seen or heard this before, but just in case you are carrying last, thought to share....

“There was a farmer who collects horses and only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day he discovered that his neighbour had the particular breed. He persuaded him till he sold it. A month later the horse became ill, called the veterinarian, who told him the horse had a virus and must be put on medication for three days. He said if he is not better after those days, we are going to put him to sleep.
 

The cow nearby listened closely to their conversation. They gave the horse the dosage but the cow approached the horse and said be strong my friend, get up or else you are going to put you to sleep after three days! The dosage was given for the second day and the cow came back again and said, come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die. Come on, I will help you get up! One, two, three he encouraged the horse. On the third day after the dosage was administered, the vet said to the owner, unfortunately we are going to have to put him down tomorrow otherwise the virus might spread and infect the other horses. After they left, the cow approached the horse and said, listen pal, it's now or never! Get up! Come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! That is it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three.  Good! Fantastic! Run! Yes! You did it, you are a champion! All of a sudden, the owner showed up, saw the horse running around in the field and began shouting, this is wonderful, and my horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the cow!
 

Another Classic! But in life, there is no difference. We may not truly know who deserves the merit of success in the workplace. The person who actually contributed to making things happen may sometimes not be given due recognition but this Tuesday morning our focus should be on God who sees in the secret and rewards openly. The appraisal and recommendation may not have favoured you but your due date is coming. 'Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap only if we refuse to give up'. Life may not be fair but God who rewards is faithful, just and fair in all His affairs. Keep sowing the inherent seeds of goodness & justice in your time, talent, treasure and relationships, the harvest is guaranteed!”

There isn’t much more to say. Just thinking to myself, what could have been done differently? Maybe the horse could have stopped running to give the farmer the right perspective 8-| Or the farmer should have been observant enough to notice there is more to his cow than meat :]Y Whatever it is, the cow did the right thing!

The Horse, The Cow and The Farmer!!!

Got in to work this morning and the first email I read was this story a colleague shared. Incidentally, I had a similar conversation with someone yesterday about performance appraisals and the schemes and strategies of some “smart” & blehish folks – anyways that’s story for another day.

Yes, some of us have seen or heard this before, but just in case you are carrying last, thought to share....

“There was a farmer who collects horses and only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day he discovered that his neighbour had the particular breed. He persuaded him till he sold it. A month later the horse became ill, called the veterinarian, who told him the horse had a virus and must be put on medication for three days. He said if he is not better after those days, we are going to put him to sleep.
 

The cow nearby listened closely to their conversation. They gave the horse the dosage but the cow approached the horse and said be strong my friend, get up or else you are going to put you to sleep after three days! The dosage was given for the second day and the cow came back again and said, come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die. Come on, I will help you get up! One, two, three he encouraged the horse. On the third day after the dosage was administered, the vet said to the owner, unfortunately we are going to have to put him down tomorrow otherwise the virus might spread and infect the other horses. After they left, the cow approached the horse and said, listen pal, it's now or never! Get up! Come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! That is it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three.  Good! Fantastic! Run! Yes! You did it, you are a champion! All of a sudden, the owner showed up, saw the horse running around in the field and began shouting, this is wonderful, and my horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the cow!
 

Another Classic! But in life, there is no difference. We may not truly know who deserves the merit of success in the workplace. The person who actually contributed to making things happen may sometimes not be given due recognition but this Tuesday morning our focus should be on God who sees in the secret and rewards openly. The appraisal and recommendation may not have favoured you but your due date is coming. 'Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap only if we refuse to give up'. Life may not be fair but God who rewards is faithful, just and fair in all His affairs. Keep sowing the inherent seeds of goodness & justice in your time, talent, treasure and relationships, the harvest is guaranteed!”

There isn’t much more to say. Just thinking to myself, what could have been done differently? Maybe the horse could have stopped running to give the farmer the right perspective 8-| Or the farmer should have been observant enough to notice there is more to his cow than meat :]Y Whatever it is, the cow did the right thing!

Who is daddy to me?

Seventy four days from now it will be 25^th December and my Dad’s going to be 60. Got a call from one of his friends several weeks ago asking me to write something on “Who is daddy to me?” After procrastinating until I couldn’t anymore, I turned in something yesterday. At work now, thinking about what I wrote I’ve decided to drop it here, I just hope it makes sense…

Who is daddy to me? Like seriously, what kind of question is this? Daddy is daddy of course! I mean y’all have to know I postponed writing this so much that if I had my way; he’ll be sixty-one by the time I’m done. And that’s not just because I’m lazy which is true, I almost don’t know what to write or where to start from. But since I must…

I really don’t know where to start cos I have to describe someone who has been a part of my life from the beginning till now. How far back in time can I cast my mind? I’d start by saying daddy has been a father to me. *Big Hugs* He provided the necessary protection and support I needed as a child, and as far as I know he’s done his best in grooming me into the man I am today (yeah man, not boyJ).

He’s caring. I still can’t figure out how you suck mucous from anyone’s nose – your child or not! He’s responsible. He tried to meet all my basic necessities and some extra more over the years *thumbs up* (thank goodness they stopped after having four of us) – I’m sure he’d have done a lot more if he could. He’s supportive. Just tell daddy what you want to do, and if he’s in synch, be sure he’ll be with you all the way. Am sometimes tempted to think that’s what a dad is meant to be but we don’t want to ask kids who have seen the other side.

My dad was tough, tougher than he is now. Or maybe his gimmicks don’t just work again. I always used to run into the room whenever I heard his car honk (that blue volks beetle of blessed memories – ijapa!) when he gets back from work cos rolling tires in the compound with other kids was way too much play for my old man. He didn’t always have to talk – he had a way of winking those eyes of his you’ll know you are dead meat if you don’t stop what you are doing wrong. I couldn’t sneak into the room with my dad sleeping cos according to him, his ears don’t sleep and he hates to be disturbed. That has changed largely these days – if I have to get something in his room, I just can’t wait till he wakes - sorry dad *tongue out*

My dad helped in setting a high standard for what I consider to be excellence in academics. I recall when I was in primary one and everyone was celebrating my being third best overall. He got back from work that day and saw my prize, the look on his face was so “duhish” – he muttered something like “I thought you came first, what’s the excitement about?” I never forgot that. (Funny, I was first in my class though *big grin*)

We always joke about my mum loving to work so much, but she’s not alone on this. Paale na workaholic! A lot of people know him as a pastor and an accountant. I recently joked about him being an Engineer and I got this “don’t underestimate my dad” sought of look from my lil sis. This man is just too much to be described by any one profession. He’s an accountant, a pastor, farmer, carpenter, engineer, welder, teacher, contractor, estate agent… plus and including father and husband. E no easy… lols.

Daddy is passionate. Passionate about everything he does. Once he sets to do something he just can’t understand why you haven’t caught the same fire and that’s a cause for his frustrations many times. I think this trait has increased with age, or maybe I was too young to notice. It took me a while to understand this and I’m working hard at keeping upJ. Be warned!!! – You need a lot of energy to be around this man. Please, don’t let me catch you call him stubborn. No! – He’s passionate!!! For an Ijesha man – he isn’t doing badly.

Now this is becoming an epistle L

One last thing, my dad’s a counselor. As much as I’ve allowed him to, he always had an advice for every issue. Sometimes though, his advice isn’t what I want to hear. Looking back over the years I’ve come to the conclusion, with some of my friends too, that “these old people always have a way of being right”.

I’m beginning to think I can go on and on… thank God I didn’t know how to startJ. Words are not sufficient to describe all I know or how I feel about this man. Maybe I just don’t know how to use them well enough. *shrugs* At least am happy I have the opportunity to express a bit of how I feel about him while we still live.

Some of you reading this, like my dad, have no father *sad face*. But for those of you that do, treat them nicely while you can and TRY to listen to them too. I’m proud to call mine DADDY.

Me to dad… “I know you’ve not stopped aspiring for greater things and a better life. I pray God will grant your heart desires in Jesus name. Happy Birthday dad!” *drops pen*

I want my name back :’(

Well, first I should say am not about to entertain you. I just feel like whining. I have a problem with several names and to be precise Yoruba names. It seems to me that there are not enough Yoruba names out there, I mean if you are Yoruba, or you have Yoruba friends, then you know someone that bears either Seun, Tope, Yinka, Bola, Biola, Biodun…. etc…. there’s an endless list of these blehish unisex names. And to worsen matters, Kemi is no longer for girls, just like I almost know more girls bearing Femi than guys. :s.

Like them Yoruba folks will say “tori komo le daran la se n somo loruko” (which means “you’ve been christened to make identification easy when you commit a crime” – my fair attempt at a literal translation). If that’s the case, I expect a great deal of ingenuity in naming children to aid this identification. Instead what do we find, people just naming children after their fathers, mothers, uncles and what not…. So actually a lot of Seuns, Seguns, Wales and Bisis should actually be called Junior or Seun IV, Wale XI or Bisi II. *mtcheeeew* Maybe we should revert to our “oriki” naming convention – like the Aina, Alade, Ayinla, Anike, Amoke etc but am sure we’ll soon run out of stock with these too.

Enough for the first names, at least people cover up for this with their surnames. Unfortunately, I almost can’t think of a surname more popular than mine – Ajayi! So my mum (a Lagos state teacher) goes for her headcount and they are like “just write your surname and initials, except you are an Ajayi – please write your full names!” I recall there were 12 Ajayis in my JSS 1 class (of course we were 103 in all) – don’t ask me, I finished from Ijebu-Ode Grammar School.

I feel jealous when you read people’s bio and all it says is “google me”. Last time I checked there were over 120 Seun Ajayis on facebook – the reason my facebook page isn’t www.facebook.com/seunajayi. Note, I chose my fb ID on the same day fb went live with IDs but I guess I wasn’t fast enough. Lucky though, I could settle with www.facebook.com/ajayiseun. Why do you think this page isn’t http://www.seunajayi.blogspot.com/? Cos one of us has it! And then this morning I get to work and get several chat messages and calls about one of us, “Seun Ajayi listed among UK’s 10 most wanted fraudsters”. Now ayam tayad!!! If I was a girl, I’d be hoping that the name will change after marriage – note the word hoping, cos weirdly I have an aunt that married an Ajayi!

Thank God for middle names! That makes is kinda better. Though again, I’ve met at least one person that has all 3. You’ll understand that since am a Christian and most of us are either Samuel, David, Emmanuel, Joseph, Isaiah etc… not such a long list too. *uhmmmmmmm*

Just so you know, I consider all other Seun Ajayis name snatchers… and I want my name back :’(

Enough whining! I have to go back to work. Guess I feel a lil better now… Come to think of it, am not the only one who will suffer this. My children? Dem go hear am too cos I can’t crack my head – let’s see what names their mum will come up with.