Lost Souls - Sticky Notes

Blood Shot Eyes

1am Sunday morning…

loads on the mind, but not today

lots to muse over, but not tonight

something precisely to address, but never again

ama let the mind drift, no more symphonies

let myself wonder, not even rhapsodies

and then I found this pic, throwback?

Naah… only a few months weeks days ago

Bloodshot eyes

As we stepped out of the meeting room

It lasted some 3 hours or under, that was a quick meeting, a good day!

A little chitchat by the elevator then he turned to leave

“Damn! You need some sleep! Your eyes are red”, I said

“Is it obvious? I’ve really not been sleeping too well”

“well, take it easy man, easy on yourself”

“thanks! I really have to try”… as he took the stairs

Elevator door opens, I step in…

starring right back at me in the mirror was my own face

whoops! I stepped closer, my eyes are red too

Pretty worse than his, actually bloodshot

the reasons are obvious I thought

Hey, it’s not all gloomy, but let’s rant…

The illusions of the wall street life or is it the broad street lie?

Where you supposed to be earning more money than you can spend

Where your best reward is a little more work for the great one you done did

…of course, the best guy’s got to ensure nothing gets frenched up!

Where you either crack it or schmooze it, cos really they’re both quite effective

Where you gat to collaborate competitively or compete collaboratively

…whatever paradox works the best for you

Where you spend your life, to earn your life, funny!

Where you’re taught a lot about health, safety and security

PhD in Theoretical Health cos we ensure you skip your lab sessions

Did I say more money than you can use? Well am still waiting

But too busy and stressed to spend it? Hell yea! I can relate!

Best guy? Don’t ever fall into that trap. I repeat, don’t!

Backbenching isn’t always bad, or at best find a midtempo and coast

…and oh! Before I forget, that’s called balance

And in case you’re already trapped, hit me up

I got the keys to some back door, you’d be long gone, they’d think you’re still here

Schmoozing? Let’s not get started on this one…

…but yea, some folks are just too dumb to be good at anything else but the actual work!

and just in case you’re confused, schmoozing is a virtue

…in proper English, it’s called effective stakeholder management

There are many paradoxes within those walls, but that’s one of my favorite

Can’t be so hard to score as many pupils a hundred if they earned it, can it?

Or maybe it can, so it’s either a 100 meter sprint or an Orchestra, let’s pick a struggle

Last I checked, we all disciples, problem’s we miss the for me in…

“but whoever loses their life for me will find it”

cos losing your life for these streets means losing it for real, you ain’t finding nada!

These streets make you chase till and in your greys

But while there isn’t much you can do about ‘em greys – who says there isn’t?

There’s a whole lot you can do about the chase…

That? You can literally just cut!

It’s 3am in the morning. Oh! French! 3:30.

Sleep disorders have been the norm for a while, a known while

Well, I’ve been watching these AGT stars, and a tear or two, or maybe five have helped

And now sleep calls…

I’m sorry this doesn’t seem conclusive in any way, pfff

But did I promise to find fixes to your life’s problems? No!

I bet most of you don’t even think these are issues, trust me, that’s just fine

But just in case you felt a little uneasy, you need to find your answers

And when you do, or in case you already have ‘em, please share.

I recently found mine, I recently found mine… Please find yours!

May the lights guide you home.

Good morning.

My One-Night Encounter [2]

It was a Friday morning...
Woke up late & tired just wanted to sleep-in
But then, I got up grudgingly, got ready, hit the road.
And since I was already late, I took a detour

Some things are better left unsaid, yea, and then I had to run

On my way from Maitama Sule…

Took the right turn to Grillo and then I saw someone

Standing tall and gorgeous, like a beautiful glass of wine

It’s been ages, but the memories came right back

The last time I saw her, she was in tears

But today? No! she looked all luscious & boisterous

I had to stop, but I was late, but stop I did. I parked.

Hey hey… Is that you? I said as I walked towards her

She smiled, oh yes it is… I’m so sorry about the last time

I was too engrossed in my feelings, I was bad company

C’mon stop! I understood perfectly, you needed a shoulder

I wanted to be that, lol, but you vanished into thin air

Well, Sunmi, that’s a long time now… it’s been almost 2 years

Yea, a little under 2 years, but it feels like yesterday sometimes

Not all the time, but yea sometimes, it feels like yesterday still

I was good to him… I was good for him, or so I thought

But all that’s past now, it’s all in the past… her voice getting soft

Wow! Well… these things happen. People come, people go

I guess he’s gone for good, right?

Oh yea he is, even though we were in touch for long after

In an unhealthy way, but now it’s over he’s gone for good.

You kept in touch? Did you reach out to him?

Well, yes I did, it’s sad I know, but as shameful as it was, I did.

But I found he was still him, the user he was

And when I tried to withdraw he wouldn’t let go… sigh!

I still love him though, but now he belongs to another...

Oh yea? He’s married now? Oh yes he is… Wow!

Do you sometimes wish he was still yours?

Hell No! I love him yeah… but he a harlot!

He’s married, yes. He’s got a ring, yes.

But he still remains the harlot he was…

always seeking attention, always wanting girls

I wish I could be jealous of his wife, but no, what I feel is pity

It all makes sense to me now… she’s a good naive woman

He’s always on work trips away from home she believes

While he shamelessly chases everything in skirt on the streets

Hmmmm… you spoke mostly in parables the day we met

Was he cheating on you too? Didn’t he love you?

Love?!?!?! Hahahahaha… well yes, he loved me

As long as love was taking without giving, oh yes he did

As long as love was having your way all the goddamned time, of course he did

As long as love was picking and choosing when to stay, he had the most

It took me time to tell, it was all my fault.

Not everyone loved the way I knew. Not everyone believed in love, the way I did

I guess I was naive, I guess I was foolish

I thought love never dies, that it wouldn’t change, that it meant forever,

But I guess I was wrong, and as hard as it was, I tried to move on

And whenever I finally thought I was doing OK, guess what, he showed up again

“I miss you a lot sometimes”

Well, don’t blame yourself for how others define love

I weirdly believe it should last forever too, I still believe it’s meant to be true.

Did you say true? Oh then I get it!

Cos lying is his hobby. He a pathetic petty liar

If he told lies for a living, which he does, he should be a billionaire

Once I saw his wife looking chubby, guess what crossed my mind…

I thought her body must be nourished with loads of lies. Aha, petty, very petty, I know 😊

He’s always wanted the ring on his 4^th finger

He’s always wanted to have kids

He’s always wanted someone to drown in his sea of many sorrows

I guess he’s got that now… believe me, by his standards #menarescum

Have you really moved on? Have you stopped loving him?

Sadly, I can’t. I promised him forever, and I don’t know how to break my promises

Sh*t, that’s scary! Oh yea I know… but I don’t know how to stop loving him

I just stopped showing it. And I’m never going back

It makes no sense pouring yourself into someone who only uses you

It made no sense crying over him every day for 18 months

It made no sense offering love to someone who only wanted a trophy wife

It made no sense… a man who wants to love you only behind the scenes

It made no sense... And I’m never going back

Seun, enough of me… how about you? How have you been?

Erm… me? I'm a listener, not a talker - I thought to myself

Hmmmm, would you want to have lunch some time?

Is that the answer to my question? Wait! Are you asking me out?

Erm… yea... I’m asking if you’d like to eat some food later today

Well, I’d say yes if you asked me properly… like on one knee

Ahahahaha, I’ll do both knees if that’d work.

Ok then 4pm, anywhere close to Awolowo road.

Great! But now I have to be at work…

I drew her close, pecked her and gave her a good squeeze.

It’s been only 3 weeks now… and so far, it’s all bliss!

A Toast

I love your eyes, they peer into my soul

I love your smile, it melts my heart

I love your beauty, it lights up my face

I love your promise, it lasts forever

Stepped out of my door, heading nowhere in particular

Hoping I’d walk out of the dark, that sad gloomy place

Staring as far as my eyes could see, darkness thick as hell

But there was the light at the tunnel’s end, your bright shining eyes

Where you been all this while?

Why did you wait till I stopped believing?

Many questions without answers

Doesn’t matter now, with you by my side

“Are we seriously asking questions?

Where were you when my heart was broken?

When my pearl was tossed, and my world was gloomy?

Doesn’t matter now, cos yeah, ‘twas tit for tat”

I love your sheets, I love your smell

I went astray but found your love

I love your all, the way you share

Anyone can make me laugh, but you? You make me smile

Abused

You were in pieces, like broken bottles, I should have left you in peace

Your heart was dark, like the bottomless pit, I should have left you damned

Your fists were tight, like you were holding on to life, I shouldn’t have let you feast

You were double minded, like a two-edged sword, I shouldn’t have let you strike

I was naïve, like a fool at forty; I shouldn’t have walked into those chains

I had so many cheerleaders but you were never one

I was your sunshine, you were my solar eclipse

I wished you success you, you put me down

I was slow to notice but the manipulations of your sorcery became apparent

I was your Ruth, you were my Delilah

You tried to drown me, but you found me floating

In rage, you dug my pit, but you couldn’t bury me

And then you dragged me in your mud and unlike swine, I got stained

I was distraught but cleaned me up, got up to go

And then I found your misery loves company, you wouldn’t make that easy

You said you loved me, it’s a shame I gave my trust

You said you cared, it’s your shame you lied

Your lips dropped like honeycomb, your mouth smoother than oil

And yet I recall myself at your door, drinking from the forbidden pot

Another drinks of that cistern now, in six and six, it will be dried-up again

And yes, I heard the lies too, amazed that makes you sleep well

You breezed through so fast, all in one day

And now, you wink, you wanna be my day one!

Like a parasite to its host, you wanna stay glued

Sorry! You’ve had your cake, choke on that till there’s no more

Oh my days! I think I’m spiting blood

But I’d rather have mine than share my glass with unknown lots

Claiming solitude in the shelf is bliss but self-refills for every TD and Harry

I’d whine, cry and fight to have you back

But no! The goal remains happiness and I’m grateful for this stall

Peace!

My One-Night Encounter

It’s about three weeks ago today, didn’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere,so I indulged myself. I decided to rest. Not like I feel like doing anything on other days though but this one was different. I needed my me-time; it was a lie on the couch, press phone, put TV on without watching it kinda day. Just in the middle of this bliss, the ping came in, it was a reminder for a dinner. I had accepted the invite under pressure I must say, why drive across an 11km bridge and disturb my peace just so I can eat? Well, HR will put it differently… we were hosting the Leadership team! Bleh!

Reluctantly I got ready; of course I didn’t plan to be early. In fact if not for the reminder, I couldn’t be bothered but I had promised to keep a friend’s company at the event and as the keeper of my word “that I is” I had to go. Fast track, a few minutes past 7pm I was there and as I walked in into the lobby my friend was already chatting away with folks… Great! Maybe I should just sneak back out, and then I spotted a lady, a cute lady, sitting in the corner, sipping on some margarita, she appeared absent. I starred a bit, our eyes locked and then she looked away… she was beautiful, I couldn’t resist, I walked over. It was then my night started.

Hi, my name is… “I know you”, she cut in. Oh yea… but err, I work in… “Finance, I said I know”. She obviously didn’t want to be disturbed and in my usual can’t afford to be forward self I would have bounced but she had this come-do look with a gentle smile carefully lining her lips. Well, I’m sorry, I said, I don’t know you but eh that’s why we are here. “My name is Sunmisola, and I’d rather not be here”. I figured, that’s exactly why I came over so we can leave together, I really don’t need this food. With a sigh she muted, “if I knew where I’d rather be, then I’ll be happy to leave, but I don’t”. Huh? This was getting interesting! It was at this time we had to move to the dinning section, I led her to our table, there were two other folks on the table but honestly I can’t remember what they look like.

The first course was served and then I asked, “you really don’t look good. What’s the problem?” She gave me the side look, that type that meant you don’t really want to know and then she blanked out… I was confused, a little worried I had upset her and then as if talking to herself, barely moving her lips she began to talk…

I love your cheeks, they are my favorite toy

I love your beards, the roughness soothes me

I love your gentle, it warms my heart

I love your thoughtfulness, it brings me smiles

It’s so much easier loving you, I expend too much energy ensuring I don’t

Avoiding your eyes drains me, I’d rather drown in them

I’m so much happier loving you, that’s all I worry about when I don’t

It’s so much better when we talk, better than reading the hatred off your sealed lips

It so much easier to pray for you, either ways, I'll pray

But hey, I’m exhausted from looking for you

Done searching for your soul like a pin on the sea shore

I’ll move with the tides of Him, of Him who knows what’s best for me

With hopes that we find our end, ends so close yet miles apart…

“Sunmisola, this is Seun”, I cut in. I had to. God forbid that these words were directed at me. She was totally oblivious of her surrounding, she looked pale. Like a woman who’s lost her child she just didn’t know how to enjoy anything, not this food, not the jokes being cracked all around us, not the soft music being played in the background. She was completely lost in her pain. I didn’t know what to say but at least she stopped talking. It was then I realized she was holding my hand, I must have been carried away myself, she held on so tight I was almost in pain. I moved my thumb gently, rubbing the side of her palm as if to make her feel better, she stared into my eyes, but I was sure she wasn’t looking at me. The harder she stared the farther she seemed to have traveled and then she continued…

I wish I can tell you that I love you, but I can’t

I want to tell you that I miss talking to you, but I dare not

I want to tell you that I wish you happiness, but I’ll pray

I can’t because I know, there’s only one end to it. That end is my ruin

God forbid that I tell you what to do

God forbid that I tell you what not to do

You love One Direction so I’ve decided not to get in your way;

Cruise on to Asia, go ahead and have ya cake

But Michael Smith meant Jesus, when he said it’s all about You

I’m not worried that you won’t find another, naaah!

Not a little bothered that you won’t find love, of course you would!

But something worries me, and I must admit I shiver at the thought of it

That when you do find love again (or maybe you already have) you’d know what to do with it

At this point she dropped a tear, picked her things and walked briskly towards the exit. Without thinking, I followed her. Not like I understood all her rantings but by now tears was flowing down her cheeks freely. Her driver was waiting just outside, she rushed in. I looked at him with worry in my eyes, but he appeared used to it, he gave me a look that spelt it all out… “It’s normal for madam to cry, we are praying she’ll get well soon” and as the wheels began to roll she gave me one last glance that assured me, we’ll see again soon.

I walked back into the hall, I had lost my appetite. It was a short encounter, but it left me heartbroken. Only God knows what she’s going through, I pray she comes out better. I’ll give her some time before reaching out I thought to myself, or maybe not… Maybe now is the time, she needs help, and I can be the help she needs, a shoulder to cry on.

At this time, everything about the dinner and event made no sense to me. I picked my car key and headed out as I continued to think... maybe I need help too, maybe mummy’s prayers might finally get an answer, maybe, just maybe, I stepped into the car and with some conviction I said to myself, I didn’t come here for nothing, there has to be more to all this.

This Pain We Bear

It was a cold Sunday afternoon, the ideal weather to lazy away. Lying on the couch under my duvet watching AFMAG, yea, Africa Magic :) and there in the movie was this lady that had a rough past which made her hate men (and women too). In fact, she hated almost everyone that crossed her path. Then, we got talking… “There’s so much pain in the world” I said, “actually a whole lot!” my friend agreed. With a sigh, I began to reflect…

There’s actually a lot of pain in the world

Heavier in some than in others

But "these mountains we carry;

we were only supposed to climb”

When you meet people with so much hate in them

Whenever the constant reactions you get have no bearing with your actions

Defying every bit of Newton’s 3rd law of motion

Just pause to think, it may be from their wealth of pain

Some wear it on their face, others have a camouflage

Putting up a front, so busy “loving” others

But beneath that is a load of pain

Tearing up inside, if only we’d notice

Bring down these walls, let love heal you

Bitterness has become a jacket, once got one for myself

Was hard getting into it, harder getting out of it

It was an inch or two too tight, guess it just didn’t fit

As we walk this path called life

There’ll be people on our way that need a helping hand

Regardless of how it went the last time, never stop doing good

Be kind, be the best you can, but don’t let that drown you

A helping hand it’s called

Unless it’s your calling to lay your life

Be careful how deep in the rescue you go

Lest you both get drowned in this mud called life

Thinking about it again… getting drowned together isn’t totally bad as long as you are not making a fool of yourself in the process.

Are You Jesus?

Ever since mumsy got on WhatsApp I've gotten all sorts of messages from her. From "Hi this is mum" to "Hello, Okanlawon, how is work today?", and of course the many many broadcasts and funny videos, I wonder where she gets them from... Anyways, to the point, she sha sent me this one and I think it's interesting even if, like me, you get the feeling you must have seen it somewhere before.


I think it's a good read for anyone regardless of your beliefs but if you are one of the millions that if given an official form to state your religion you'd tick "Christianity"... this is for you. So please, grab your coke & popcorn... just a few seconds will do :)


"This write up touched my heart. I am sure it will touch yours too.


A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly-missed boarding...


ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned. He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor. He was glad he did.


The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her; no one stopping and no one to care for her plight. The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay? "She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly."


As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister..." He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, "Are you Jesus?" He stopped mid-stride.... and he wondered. He gently went back and said, "No, I am nothing like Jesus - He is good, kind, caring, loving, and would never have bumped into your display in the first place. "The girl gently nodded: "I only asked because I prayed for Jesus to help me gather the apples. He sent you to help me, so you are like Him - only He knows who will do His will. Thank you for hearing His call, Mister."


Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?"


Do people mistake you for Jesus?


That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace. If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.
You are the apple of His eye even though you, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked up you and me on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.


Please share this, if you feel led to do so. No condition attached just that it could bless someone. Thanks"


LORD help us to be like you. Amen.

Away from Here

Don’t ask why I have my ears plugged

I’d rather not be here, rather not see or talk with you

Don’t ask if I’m fine either

We both know you don’t care, and trust me, that’s absolutely fine

As a child, I spent my siesta in tears, happy tears

I’d imagine the worst and cry but yet I was happy

Now it’s all happening.  I have been here before!

But still, for the enormity of my sorrows, I am unprepared

Like every pain, I say, soon it shall pass

When I take a step into happiness my planet shifts

Who have I wronged, why is my universe upset?

I need another life; this bag of tears soon shall fail

I’d wish the pain disappears

I’d hope I don’t get stabbed by the hand I loved

I’d hope my mind will stay in the present

But I quit hoping... I know it’s all a dream

Whatever the end is… The end of pain or of dust

It will come, and quickly too

For then will peace come and the vanity called life shall be over

And as with my childhood, I’ll find the joy in my sorrow.

From a troubled mind.

From the Heart You once Loved

Rantings of a one time love induced maniac. She's well now though :) I could share your story too if you want ;) PS: Not her Picture!

Exactly a decade and a year ago, at precisely 4:03 PM, while I was busy with my life as usual came this message from the blues "Hi, I have many questions"... Like, was I a teacher? Why must I be asked? Those questions could be directed to another, right? But well... curiosity won the battle... Ask your questions... Ask them "small small" I said. Unknown to me, the questions were more than I could answer, more than I could ever handle. Looking back at my decision that day, I still ask myself... should I have curved him? Should I have entertained those questions... Oh well, I smile and say to myself... It was part of my journey.

It took a week, only a week, for the handshake to get to the elbow and then it was clear, it was a nice pick up line. Thinking now about how things were, even if he hadn't tried, I guess I would have, against the "norm" that ladies shouldn't ask, I certainly would have tried. For it is and was clear, our paths must cross, for a reason or reasons, they had to cross.

It still makes me smile when I remember how beautifully it all began. That feeling you have when you discover that the stalked is also your stalker, when you finally believe you can be yourself without being judged, when it feels like he loves you as much as you love him and there's gonna be an award for the best lover but it didn't matter who won because you both were one? LOL! All that silly gay sh*t kinda love was just too awesome... I can't help the smile now. It was a match made in heaven at last! To be honest, I secretly thanked God every moment for apparently giving me a man of my dreams, I was really happy!

But sadly, it was a dream. A dream I had to wake up from. Too soon even.... Cos even though it lasted a few years, it was nothing close to forever, that was our plan, or maybe that was what I thought. Like a wind of bad luck, what was once so beautiful became covered with darkness. We'd complain and nag, we'd argue and fight, it became more sorrow than joy, greater sadness than happiness. Oh! my pretty little happiness, the reason I existed soon became history, the history I write about today.

For years I wept, and I learnt you did the same. Aren't we both morons? [I just heard you say, ori e, iwo ni moron]. Lol. Like couldn't it just have worked... But nah the script is different... Maybe we both deserve better! Or it was merely another bump in our lives' journey, in the end we'll enjoy the fruits of the land. Finally we've had to dust ourselves up and live life. I heard her name is Toyin, chuckles, extend my regards.

If there's anything I learnt and I'd share with the world, it is that our fantasy love life exists somewhere on this planet... only a few are lucky enough to find theirs. I found mine, I am finding mine... I found mine... and it's going to last forever. Besides that, I'd say... what you give is what you get... sow love, sow understanding, give your best, misery will ruin you "and yours" and finally perfection is in the grave :)

I have had to return to my friends. Some of whom mocked the love we shared, some now laugh cos it's all come to nothing but I smile because I know that if another "Hi, I have many questions" pops up on my phone today, my response would most likely remain as it was a decade and a year ago "ask them, small small".

Happy "would have been a decade" Anniversary! I still love you, but sadly our "love" was not enough :)

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere".